I stood on the shoulders of giants

In My Words

"Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different.
Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place."
- Sept 2005

Flying Fingers of

kelvin
in london
reading law
bloody stressed

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I know this will make livia ong quite happy so yes i shall do it.

6 weird things about myself that perhaps no one knows.

1. I wear a silver anchor around my neck, as well as carry a keychain in the shape of a jumbo jet around with me all the time. these are my 2 lucky charms and i will never go about doing something major without them.

2. I am extremely superstitious, even down to looking at the serial number of tube gantries that i enter and exit. there are some numbers i religiously avoid.

3. I have never used a wallet that requires me to keep it at the rear pockets since I was 18. I use card holders and fold my dollar notes into 4 and slot them inside.

4. I am extremely particular about how my papers are stapled together. they must be straight and near the top left hand corner when viewed portrait.

5. It is extremely rare for me to be able to talk to someone while looking at them. this was because I was told (by a variety of people) that I have eyes that scare the hell out of people. If I look you in the eye when I talk, you're one of a rarity.

6. I have a dysfunctional memory. everyone thinks i'm weird cos of the things i remember.

kelvin was inspired at 12:08 AM

It's been some time since I last updated and I guess this is what it's going to look like for the forseeable future. Up to my neck in school work and the musical, but it's a rewarding time for me in that aspect.

But sometimes, I drop off into the inevitable "why am i doing all these" type of thoughts again, and it does make sense. Looking at the book of the musical, I feel a sense of achievement, yet i feel a sense of emptiness. Every word in the book tells a story, and i find that i remember every thought, and every feeling I went through while penning those words.

It's essentially a love story. Whether about loving yourself, loving someone else, loving a friend, and the kind of relationships that evolve. and through the eyes of the characters which i have created, my life appears in a whole new perspective. All that I have loved and cared for, is that the kind of love they want, and is it the kind of love they expect. and what kind of love do i want.

In the end, it's still painful to love. It hurts even more to love and not be loved in return.

on a side note, at least i don't have to think so much about my future anymore. A decision has been made and i will live by it, for better or worse.

kelvin was inspired at 1:15 PM

Better to award mid-term scholarships

By Goh Wen Zhong

NEWS that scholarship boards may be cutting back on the number of annual awards comes as no surprise. I have never been convinced that many 19-year-olds know exactly what they are committing to when they accept a scholarship.

Perhaps it would also be true that those boards cannot truly assess the person they are awarding a scholarship to.It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to send a student overseas, and the expenditure has to be justified.

To some scholarship holders, it is just a six-year bond in exchange for a chance to study overseas, but to any board, it is a sizeable sum that has to reap returns. Even more so for public boards, where the money comes from public funds.

University is a life-changing experience, and all students, scholarship holders or not, graduate a different person. Perspectives, attitudes and character change, and at the end of three years, does the scholarship holder still suit the environment he or she is bonded to?

I agree with the move to introduce mid-term scholarships to undergraduates who have served an internship. This way, a more accurate working assessment of the applicant can be made. It also allows scholarship applicants sufficient exposure to the job they are expected to perform after graduation, and decide if that is what they want.

The writer is studying for his masters in law at the London School of Economics.

kelvin was inspired at 5:53 PM

it doesn't matter. don't worry. don't dwell on it. maybe people are busy. you said it doesn't matter right? it's no big deal. it's just like any other day. just smile and be happy. everything will be alright.

at least you did something meaningful today.

it's ok. you always said that it brings a smile to your face when you bring happiness to other people right? yeah. you brought happiness to four people today.

maybe, someday, someone will do the same for you too. all you need to do is be patient.

kelvin was inspired at 11:58 AM

Kenny Tan will be happy to see this post i'm sure. haha.

anyway, just as a short note, I am well in London, everything is peaceful and everyone is going about minding their own business. This is in spite of the "critical" security alert in the country. The press sometimes tend to overstate matters for sensation, but from me, it's peaceful.

what will affect me though is my anticipated return to singapore. given the situation at the moment, it's perhaps a blessing that I haven't committed myself to a return to singapore at the moment. I intended to return next friday, and while that remains possible at the moment, I guess I have to play it by ear. I'll let you know once everything has been settled.

kelvin was inspired at 12:16 PM

there is not a single day that passes that i don't think about you. i miss you so much...

kelvin was inspired at 12:13 AM

I wrote a submission for Straits Times this week but it didn't get published. However, I still feel strongly enough about the topic to put it up here. so yep.

Head : Look Before You Leap

By : Goh Wen Zhong

IT COMES as no surprise to me that many of my counterparts harbour dreams of moving abroad to seek a new life. I thought that way as well.

Three years ago, I got my chance to climb over the fence and tread the path beyond it. The grass was indeed as green as it looked, but as I walked, everyone I walked past stared at me, a welcome gesture not forthcoming.

I saw successful people, I met happy people. They talked of a comfortable life, opportunity and substantial reward. These were the reasons that enticed me to climb the fence, and I badly wanted to join them in their utopia.

But what I never counted on was having to persuade them to let me partake. They had a good thing no doubt, but their stand was clear: Why should we share these things, which we worked so hard for, with a total stranger who played no part in helping us there?

I knew no day or night as I toiled to prove that I was worthy of joining their company. I worked harder than I ever did, but yet it still came to naught, because the fact was immutable - I was a stranger.

I looked around for a shoulder to cry on, for someone to lend me support and to help me reach for my dreams. But everyone else was busy building their own dreams and had little time for me. Most importantly, I saw no family, only strangers.

I was tired of fighting for acceptance, and struggling to fit in. I decided I had enough and walked back to the fence and climbed it. As I stood on familiar soil once more, everyone around me then looked up, smiled, and said "Welcome back."

I took one last backward glance at the scene beyond the fence. Beautiful as it was, it wasn't my garden, it was someone else's backyard.

kelvin was inspired at 1:15 AM

Dreams

Anyone who knows me well that the one thing that I thrive on is the power of dreams. I have had many dreams. Going overseas to study, graduating from law school, driving my dad's car... slowly but surely, one by one, i'm ticking those boxes as dreams that have come true for me. And I am thankful that i have the opportunity to savour the sweet feel of dreams coming true.

But I have one more dream that I want to make come true this upcoming academic year. friends around me may have heard this little project that i hope to embark on, and without me actually saying what it was, i think word has gotten around. I guess in fairness i should hide it no further, since all of us involved in this project given our word to it.

Faith The Musical was not something that i saw myself doing in this lifetime. But it was something that i badly wanted to happen, probably more subconsciously than anything else. I was speaking to her the other day and she told me that i mentioned to her 2 years ago that it was my dream to act in a musical one day, and she told me that coincidentally, it was her dream too. In that respect, she hoped my dream will come true, because she knew what it meant.

I never thought that two years later, I would be talking to her about a project gerard and I thought up. But yes, I did. and that was when Faith The Musical was born.

It represents a culmination of dreams, maybe mine, maybe his, maybe hers. And holding my dreams, and the dreams of many other people in my hand, that is what keeps me going. I've always believed in the power of dreams, and that is why we have also chosen the charity that will benefit from Faith The Musical. It represents the dreams of the young, and I am convinced that it will do everything it can to let these children live their dreams. I identify with the pain and difficulty these children face, it is the same with Faith.

The outward futility of the project cannot be understated. An ambitious production with no budget whatsoever, to be staged in London where quality instruments and technical materials come at a financial premium. But we will not be discouraged. we've come this far, it's too late for us to back out now.

I watch her sing her heart out at demo recording sessions. I talk with him on an almost daily basis and i realise how much his time is at a premium, yet he digs deep to come up with score after score after score. And this is where I realise the value of dreams. It is the belief in something enough to make you want to realise it.

And I promise myself, and this little team that we've gathered, that I will do everything in my power to make Faith The Musical a reality. I am thankful, and grateful for the friends who have joined us in the project, and I hope that we will see this dream realised.

The Impossible Dream

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

If I believed that dreams were unreachable, I wouldn't be here today.

kelvin was inspired at 12:18 AM

One of the very few talents I've been given is perhaps the ability to translate my thoughts into words, and anyone who knows me well will know that this blog means a lot to me. It accompanied through my three years here at the LSE, and documented much of my thoughts and feelings, and every time I read through a particular post, I can remember how exactly I felt while writing that post. this little website, this url, represents three years of adventure and at times, struggle here. It documents my numerous joys, as well as my lows. It represents everything meaningful that happened to me over the past three years.

But yet, I spent the last couple of months or so thinking about this blog. While this blog represents my memories of my time here, it has also caused hurt to people, even if I didn't mean it that way. And what hurts me most is that the people it hurt were people who mean so much to me. They mean so much to me that I considered giving up blogging, and all that this means to me.

I can't compromise the way I blog. Like many other people, I don't want this to be an exhibition and documentation of daily occurences. This was meant to share my thoughts and feelings with people, with my friends. And because of that, it had to be truthful. When it comes to people who matter to me, I don't sugar up my thoughts. And before I share these thoughts on this very public site, I give considerable thought to how i'm going to share them.

But I know the way I think, and the way I feel can at times be overbearing, and disturbing. People have been disturbed about how I view certain things, and how I attach importance to other things. But that's just me, I can't help it.

I'm sorry for anything hurtful that has come about as a result of anything that I may have written here, or indeed done, but I hope everyone will understand that I never meant it to be hurtful. This is a diary of my life and all that matters to me. I share all my joys, cheer and good times here. But once in a while, there will be lows in my life, and this blog will reflect it. I cannot always be happy, just like this blog. Otherwise, it's just an exhibition.

kelvin was inspired at 9:07 PM

after three years, finally...

kelvin was inspired at 9:13 PM

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."

1 Peter 5:6-7

"I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: My God, in Him I will trust."

Psalms 91:2

kelvin was inspired at 11:20 PM