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In My Words "Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different. Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place." - Sept 2005 Flying Fingers of
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Friday, February 27, 2004
have you ever led a life where you have to continually think and worry about what people think about you, what people say of you, what people treat you as, and how you actually affect people. i'm living that life now. sometimes it's really hard to keep everyone happy, and i'm really trying my best. i may slip up at times, but somehow, i think that i'm entitled to think of myself from time to time. it's not easy trying to look out for everyone all the time. it get's very tiring and disillusioning. sure, it's easy to say "heck, let them say what they want", but ultimately bad vibes always manage to get into the wrong ears, and it goes a long way before that.
the innocent world that i once thought everything to be is no longer the world i live in. it's really a game in which one has to play all the cards correctly. it's no longer about winning or losing, it's really about trying to keep yourself happy. i'm not entirely happy but there's little i can do about it, simply because it isn't within my control. it saddens me deeply to know of the magnitude of the consequences, and while it heartens me to know that i have friends who stick by me, the guilt of knowledge sometimes slits deeper than any surgeon can heal. it's so easy to please everyone, but ultimately it makes me unhappy. they are all people i regard as friends, and i hope they understand why this is happening, and where all of us have fallen short of what is deemed to be acceptable. but what we fail to realise is, that as with all other non-constants in the world, such expectations are relative, and are therefore variable. there can never be one single standard to accomodate everyone, but everyone, myself included, should accomodate other's single standards. single standard, it sounds like a hotel room. Deja Vu kelvin was inspired at 10:25 PM |
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