"Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different.
Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place."
- Sept 2005
it baffles me to this day. how drowsiness can be induced by both warm weather and cool weather. i've been feeling insipid of late, and i don't exactly know what to attribute this too. it could be accumulated lethargy, it could be a general sentiment of weariness. either way, it's having an adverse affect on the productivity i should be producing on the academic fore.
it's been a good weekend, had a good discussion on accomodation for next year that cleared up a lot of doubts i had before. i guess sometimes i can be a real bitch when it comes to protecting my own interests. i should learn to loosen up a little. sometimes it's just hard to kick old habits, especially when i grew up in an environment that i had to constantly look over my shoulder to watch my back. i'll try nonetheless.
i can be an enigma at times. i can say one thing but mean another. likewise i could do one thing but say another. i dunno. sometimes it all comes out subconsciously. i guess this causes misunderstandings at times. i'm not sure about what discord it may have sown, but i never wanted it to be this way. i'm just darn bad at expressing my feelings, and if it's anger, i'm god-darn bad at controlling it. so much so it slips into my daily life. i don't mean things i say in anger. but. sometimes it does slip out.
deep down inside me is this boy that's still trying to reach out and fit into this world that i find myself in. such an environment is something totally new to me, and i'm struggling to understand and to fit in. perhaps i'm nowhere as brilliant as others, and nowhere as diligent. but what i don't want is people to look at me with disdain, and see me as an inferior and not a worthy acquaintance. it hurts... it really does.
i may be different, but it does not mean i'm unworthy.