I stood on the shoulders of giants

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"Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different.
Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place."
- Sept 2005

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kelvin
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It Drives Me

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Do you believe that things happen for a reason? More than ever before I am starting to believe so. I think back to the A's. I came out of the paper knowing that 3 As were a possibility, in fact I was hoping that I could achieve that. I didn't. I got 2 Bs.

If I had gotten one A more i could very well have been a law student at NUS, or a Mass Comm student at NTU. Or maybe if I had passed my AO Maths a Bizad student at NUS. But my results were such that all these were hardly possible.

But it was just enough to help me get to where I am now. Despite me knowing and deeply wanting to get into NUS. It was something I really wanted and I was devastated when I did not get the interviews. But I am grateful and happy that I am where I am now. I think it happened for a reason.

Likewise, I am starting to think that commercial contracts is the same. It is a subject that I love and I know I am good at. It gave me one of the most inspirational teachers I've met in a long time, a teacher who I desperately wanted to do well for, a teacher who writes lengthy and encouraging comments on my essays, a teacher who believed I could do it and exacted the best out of me, something other teachers did not seem to be able to.

But as I opened the paper today my heart dropped. Never did I ever expect that in a contract law exam I had to scrap together 4 questions, and neither did I expect that I would have to think very hard about which questions I could write an answer to.

I really felt like crying. While people around me started planning their essays I kept on rereading the questions and my mind went blank. I couldn't remember anything about what I studied for. It was horrible.

I scrapped together 4 answers in the end, and I just hope they'll get me a decent mark. I never seem to do well for things that I love. Is it because of expectations? Or is it something that was never meant to be? Perhaps it is, and if it is so, perhaps it's because it wasn't meant to happen. Thing happen for a reason. I'm still searching for the reason for this. I can't live it down, I really can't. But I guess the only thing I can do is to accept it, and accept that I have let myself down this time. I really have.

kelvin was inspired at 3:14 AM