I stood on the shoulders of giants

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"Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different.
Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place."
- Sept 2005

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It Drives Me

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There's this person I know who calls on me periodically. But it is this friend's periodic calls on me which led to me ask myself this question: Am I a friend in need?

People who know me well know that I always avoid asking people for help or favours. But I find it quite the opposite when it comes to me. There are some people who ONLY look for me when they need a favour of some sort or another. There are also people who make efforts to keep my acquaintance because I'm useful to them. Why do I come to such a drastic conclusion? Quite simply because these people have never asked me a sincere "How's you".

Small things mean a lot to me. For people in my life, it can get anally irritating when I fuss over mini-minor details. The only reason I am particular about small things is because it's the small things we tend to overlook. And it's these small things which will indicate to me whether someone is worth my acquaintance (as opposed to whether that person is useful to me - mutually exclusive concepts).

Likewise, I'm now able to tell when someone truly cares for me for me, as opposed to me being part of the package, the package being an inseperable part of academic favours, social favours or what-have-you. You see, I've quite reached a stage where I'm honestly tired of being PR and sociable, and I really can't give a rat's ass to whoever's not quite worth the salt. And thus, I now have the option of being selective of who I call my friends quite simply because I don't need friends who are never quite there.

That being said, it's not that I've never given my best to any friendly relation. In fact, even to hostile relations, I've consistently tried my best to repair the bridge, and in that absence at least attempt to maintain a civil front. However, I don't think the others have quite interpreted my actions or intentions quite the way it should be. It's because I don't see a point in making uncomfortable acquaintances, not because I'm weak or need your pity.

Likewise, when I do something for you, or don't do something I'm perfectly entitled to do, it's because I think you're worth it. (not quite true actually, it's usually because you ask me for it and i always find it difficult to say no) Hey, I don't quite hope for a showering of attention, free treats or frequent exhaltations of appreciation. Just don't bloody take me, and my passiveness for granted.

I'm all too used to people coming up to me and saying, "Hey Kelv, ask you ah...." and proceed to ask favour after favour from me and then scooting off into their own little lifes, and once I've outlived my usefulness I'm not worth their saliva. I'm so used to it that it doesn't matter any more. If that person is worth something to me I'll find some golden lining to try to make it seem justified to me. But if you're not, I'm sorry, it's your loss. Not mine.

I quite simply do not have that sort of time, nor the energy to be friends with everyone. But it doesn't mean that I'm being anti social. It just simply means that I'll have more time to treasure and value the ones who I think, really matter to me.

kelvin was inspired at 11:11 PM