"Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different.
Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place."
- Sept 2005
The last post was an embarassment, I shall seek to do better next time.
Anyway, I've been reflecting on what someone told me in an email. Been reading it over and over again and it really struck me deep. Do the people I care about care the same back about me? Are the people whom I have invested time and effort in investing the same time and effort back? quite simply put, am I wasting my time caring for people?
There's one person who comes to mind. I spend time doing things which i thought may mean something to that person, I spend time running around at the person's beck and call thinking that it might build up some form of a friendship. But in the end, do i quite mean the same to the person? I doubt it. rather, I think the person prefers to use me as a voodoo doll. well. don't think i don't know yes? it's just that I thought there was some hope.
There's this other person, who once called me stupid. I expended quite some cash, more time and even more time doing all sorts of pointless things (in my view), answering that person's every whim with a positive response. Not too long ago I spent 30 mins of very precious time helping the person with something which might bring the person some distance, but does it do me any good - well it didn't and won't? well, i'm usually not too bothered about whether it'll do me any good, but in the end, what am I to that person? I don't want to be someone this person goes to just to milk as and when this person needs me, but it seems that way.
Just two examples of how blind i can be with such matters.
People affect me , they do. But one thing has changed, people can no longer take me for granted. Cos unlike many other people, I know.
What do I know? That's for me to know and for you to find out.