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In My Words "Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different. Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place." - Sept 2005 Flying Fingers of
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Sunday, January 29, 2006
It feels kinda empty this Chinese New Year. Strange feeling given that I haven't celebrated CNY for nearly 5 years now, but I guess I miss the festivities and a complete excuse not to do any work - a luxury or excuse I don't have now. But nonetheless, it's still Chinese New Year.Had a good talk with almondpocky the other day over the usual fare at the usual place, and it really put so much into perspective. Sometimes people disappoint, in fact, I think most of the time they disappoint, it's how much you hold it against them. I've asked myself the question thousands of times, but I still have not found my answer. The Question: why do I always finding myself caring for people who don't care for me? You see, the question is not so much "don't care as much for me" because that's normal. But really, I've spent nearly half my life caring for people who either don't care back, don't realise it, or take it as some given priviledge. One of my resolutions in 2005 was to start caring more about myself and not about others, and however hard I try to do that, I always find some reason not to stick to it. There have been friendships which were good while the times were rosy. But when the going got a little rough, these friendships seem happy to flit off into the horizons along with a new prevailing wind. Many a time, I take time out to look at the friends I have, and I realise, I don't talk to all that many now. And sometimes, I ask myself, is it because I have failed them as a friend? or do they not need me anymore? - (a subset of the first come to think of it) here's a case study : friends meet in adversity, help each other through shit. friendship was good while shit lasted, once shit cleared up friends take time out. Friend finds another friend and spends all time with friend, never to be seen by friend. Isn't it simple? When friends don't spend time together, there's NOTHING to talk about. when there's nothing to talk about, is it not an excuse not to talk or have this "lack of identity". And from there, the friendship is sure to go downhill. That aside, there is something I must say now. There is something I totally abhor. let me cite an example. *phone rings* *N* : hey shifu! I'm so sorry, I'm gg to be 5 mins late. See you soon. *M* : it's ok! I'll go grab something first. And yes, as you can see, I am a person of near infinite patience, but one thing I cannot, totally cannot stand is being made to wait, especially when I'm not told of it before. Even someone who has a near infinte amount of free passes with me - my tudi (apprentice)- texts me to say she'll be five minutes late. If that's not actually understanding me, it's basic courtesy. Something which many people lack anyway. One thing I hope people understand, there is a premium on my time, as much as there is a premium on yours. If I can be doing something productive as opposed to sitting there or standing there like a fool I'd really rather be doing something productive. And there you go, a frank, no-holds barred expose on my pet peeve. But since it's Chinese New Year, I should really end this off on a pleasant note. Gong Gong Gong Xiao Bai Cai! kelvin was inspired at 2:40 PM |
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