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In My Words "Don't ever lose faith in who you are, for that's what makes you different. Don't try to turn yourself into someone everyone else is, for if that happens, the world is a poorer place." - Sept 2005 Flying Fingers of
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Friday, April 14, 2006
I've been meaning to do it for some time, and I decided the enough was enough this morning and slipped on the pair of tracks that I have neglected and pulled myself out for a cold, punishing run in shorts and windbreaker along the river thames. It was this undescribable need to punish myself, to push myself, to force myself to wake up in all senses of the word. The cold wind lashed at me as I pounded the pavements (surprisingly puke-free given that it IS after all Good Friday) thinking to myself: If I don't wake up I'm probably going to be in deep shit. But you know, sometimes you just don't want to wake up, flinging that alarm clock across the room and lapsing back into a blissful sleep. But in short, John Rawls is sitting on my table relatively untouched while my mind has been refusing to accept anything academic in the past 30 hours or so. Which maybe is a good thing because I haven't had a proper break for some time. Now it's just about using this break properly. ------------------------------ It's been decided, for me or otherwise by me, that I will be in London next year. It sure was a great experience, and would probably have been an even better one. But you know sometimes there are other things that are more important than yourself. And it suddenly dawned upon me, how much it means to me to be able to remain in London, how important it is for me to remain in London, how much I want to be in London. And I can't imagine how I even contemplated giving it all up for that one shot at it. But I'm glad it has dawned upon me. no matter what I give up, I'm not actually giving it up at all. not at all. Because I don't think I would have been happy giving the other up. But inevitably I have to earn my way. I may not need very much from this year, but it's so easy to lapse into sloppiness, cockiness and casuality, and just to realise, hey, it's really quite probable you WILL screw up all that you've given it up for if you don't get those dratted results. It's so easy to want everything, and in the end, end up with nothing. kelvin was inspired at 12:20 PM |
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